


The Fresh Prince of Egypt

by MediumSizedEvil



Series: Really Ridiculous AU's [5]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ancient Egypt, F/M, funky fresh rhymez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22213321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MediumSizedEvil/pseuds/MediumSizedEvil
Summary: Pharaoh's daughter finds a reed basket in the Nile, and nothing will ever be the same again.Who knows what miracles you can achieve?
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Series: Really Ridiculous AU's [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1437790
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	The Fresh Prince of Egypt

Now this is a story all about how,

My life got flipped-turned upside down.

From oppress'd so hard I could not stand,

To this sweet gig, lemme tell ya how it went.

I was toiling and sweating in the desert sand,

Together with ma homies in this strange foreign land.

Every day was the same, with no escape,

Putting stupid granite blocks in a geometric shape.

One day I had enough and I ran to the shore,

Grabbed a big reed basket and a nice sturdy oar.

Went down to the waterside and in a short while,

I was chillin' and floatin' in ma basket down the Nile.

Made it all the way to Aswan – Damn! what a sight,

Where I saw a couple chicks bathing by the riverside.

They were all really fine and sure lookin' good,

But I thought one of their butts was exceptionally cute.

'Hey, how _you_ doin'? I shouted through the reeds,

Then she started screaming, did I have something in my teeth?

But she was like, 'Oh my Thoth! there's a crocodile.'

I looked around and saw it, a huge freshie from the Nile.

I jumped out ma basket and with my trusty oar,

Punched him hard on the nose and gave him what for.

Really whacked the shit outta that there alligator,

Till he was good and dead, 'Yo homes, smell ya later!'

And so it came to pass that she sent me some winks,

Whisp'ring, 'Hey, let's go back to my place for drinks.'

I said sure babe, sounds like a plan, so she proceeds

To take me to this giant fancy palace in Thebes.

And then, as if she couldn't get any hotter,

Turns out that she was Pharaoh's only daughter!

'Oh daddy', she said, her eyes shining bright,

'I owe my life to this here Israelite.'

He looked me up and down, as if he didn't like me much

Then he frowned and grumbled, 'Ugh, what the fudge?'

But I looked him dead in the eye and said, standing tall,

'I like the pictures of cats on your wall.'

Then he started to smile and gave me his hand,

And his daughter's, and a nice piece of land.

Plus a couple of cows, so I was fully equipped,

And that's how I became the Fresh Prince of Egypt.


End file.
